Zelator’s practice recordings of Liber HHH

Friday, 29. VIII 2003.

2,53h MMM (from the snake bites)
Remarkable! The breath was stirred and it could be felt on the surface of the skin. Very pleasant feeling (pranayama 8 + 8, and then deep and slow breaths. Pranayama is good, it is important to concentrate on counting rather than breathing. It goes automatically and effortlessly when I dedicate attention to counting). A tiny light is Tiphereth. The pyramid around me is colored with elemental colors, I am the Spirit inside it in the sign of Silence, the fifth element is in the pyramid. Paroketh below Tiphereth. Striving Adonai, I entered a strange Change, enthusiastic, but faintness from sadness and joy at the same time. I offer him everything at that moment, what I write, and myself who writes, who works and meditates about this, all the perfection and imperfection of work. Everything that comes up, every thought and picture. The essence of the fervent pursuit of Adonai is in submission. The whole point is that. Every action of the magician separates him from the essence. Do not do anything. Be quiet and reside in silence while He sneaks up on you. Yes. I do not have to strive, but to be quiet in His aspiration. He always strives for me from the beginning, so my triangle is blue, his red. He appears when I rise in silence and become aware of his eternal presence and his unceasing tendencies, at the same time. He is already here. I have to be Awake of him. Just that. Oh, my God, my sweet of Reality. The greatest aspiration for you is waiting. But for you! Yes, as far as I’ve done wrong so far. Oh, my God, I will not tell you anything, I will not follow you. No, but you are welcome here, where you are constantly roaming. Not a farewell to me, but a welcome to You.

But I called Thee, I travelled to Thee and this did not help me.
I waited patiently, and you were with me from the beginning.
Now I know, O my Beloved …

Now it is all so clear to me. It is so wonderful. My aspiration must be in the awareness of Adonai’s aspiration.
The rate of work: 90

Saturday 30. VIII 2003.

2,02h MMM (from the snake’s bites).
The first aspiration to Adonai is active. I am striving to him, Dharana at ADNI. The other aspiration is in silence. To know his tendency.
Rating: 78

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

13,23h
Both the first and second aspiration to my Adonai in the MMM are of a female nature. I have quite convincing of that. Such a Dharana is heavy, but worth every effort. No effort! Enjoy His Aspiration.

18,07h
I feel remarkable loneliness. Subjectively observing, like a dismissal. And it’s from things that were once dear to me, extremely dear. I went deep, there is no return. I’m torn, but unlike the earlier Ranks, now it feels good, it always reminds me of the Great Work. As soon as I think of Him, everything passes immediately. As long as I tend passively toward Adonai, I enter such a Change that brings enthusiasm.

18,14h
From now on I will work MMM in full sequence.

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Tuesday 2. IX 2003.

Type of work – asana and pranayama.
The goal of work – 40 minutes in asana with pranayama without moving.
Time of work- 1,34 – 2,15h
Workplace – my temple.
Schedule – pranayama at the beginning 8 + 8, later slower.
Physical health – low blood sugar.
Psychological condition – little tired.
Possible obstacles – often looking at the clock.
Comment – extremely good, all in all. Pranayama is great. Worked 8 + 8 for a very long time. Tinting energy on the surface of the skin with sweating, from which my hands slid down the thighs. Very pleasant feeling. Time passed quickly. Asana almost without pain, which appeared only in the last few minutes, in the upper spine.
Lessons learned Asana: Hands should be placed in the middle of the thigh, both in width and length. Pranayama: it should be counted a little faster, which will condition that I turn 8 + 8 into 12 + 12. It would be better to tie attention to counting. If it is slower, there should not be a pause between the numbers, but mentally to hear the echo of the preceding number: oneeeeeee, twoooooo, threeee … The pause in counting easily breaks and diminishes the attention, making it more slower, which will inflict the thoughts to rush in.
Assessment of work – 84

03,36h MMM (whole meditation).
Started by force. During the snake bites, strange and clear gooseflesh on the top of the head appeared, as if I had an energetic allergy. Once I sneezed. 22 snake bites like 22 snake paths. Perhaps it is not bad for snakes to bite me for every path on my body, right to the Crown? It’s a useful idea, tomorrow I will determine the correspondence. The presence of ADNI should not be based on any particular form. I do not have to strive for the perfect clarity of its formal appearance. Definitely, the essence is not in that. His truth is that which must come to life. IA – BESZ, IA APOPHRASZ!

Dharana on ADNI.
Dharana on ADNI.
Dharana on ADNI.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

15,30h
Five apples occupy the same space, as five apples which don’t exist.

15,50h
I arouse a specific feeling that is related to the Knowledge and Conversation. It is the feeling of my sacred quest for Him, the sacred mission that I work for Him and his endeavour for my benefit, when I am in Probation and Suffering. I had this feeling for a long time as a child, and now I am reviving it very well. I am getting closer. Today is cloudy and fairly cold all day. I love that kind of weather, I actually adore autumn, rain and clouds. From that, I get enthusiasm for work.

18,10h
Encountered experience represents the truth of the Experience, but not the experience of the Truth.

In the afternoon I was looking for the correspondence part of physicality with 22 paths. I am not satisfied with the allegations on 7th point, at least not completely. I’ve made changes that seem appropriate to me:

32. definitely bones
31. teeth like Shin (although it could be also blood, but I attributed it to the other path)
30. heart
29. bladder
28. hips
27. muscles
26. penis
25. blood (as a life dedicated to the Great Work)
24. bowels
23. saliva and lymph
22. spine
21. hands
20. legs
19. sweat
18. stomach
17. nostrils
16. arms and shoulders
15. head and face
14. cum
13. prostate
12. brain and nerves
11. respiratory organs

• Evening worship

Today, I’ve been thinking all day about the physical attributes of the 22 paths. I got pretty interesting insights about the functions of certain organs in the body. In any case, I perfected the MMM and deepened my model of thinking even further. The attributions I have defined are quite clear and natural.

• Midnight worship

Wednesday 3. IX 2003.

02h Asana and pranayama
Pranayama is good. 12 + 12 totally responds. Maybe 11 + 11 would be perfect. In asana, there was a pain in the middle part of the spine. In the end, the 2 long and slow inhale caused the appearance of sweat and spores on the surface of the skin.
Rating: 79

• Morning worship
• Afternoon worship
• Evening worship
• Midnight worship

Saturday 6. IX 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

16,46h
Since I arrived early for my meeting with B., I will test my of correspondence between the 22 paths and the body. Comment: without error

18,40h
Insight into 418: AbrahAdabrA. AAA in the middle.

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Tuesday 9. IX 2003.

0,40h MMM
Exceptionally. Pranayama is very good, the rhythm of 11 + 11 totally suits me. The true Dharana on Adonai is not on him but on his Truth. This is the true Dharana, the unmistakable and only Truth of Adonai. It introduces me directly to Change, very quickly. Bites of snakes are well sensed. Eagle’s dew does not drop every time I am energetic and revived, it is poured into my Being only once. However, each track takes this dew for itself, creating the impression that it has 22 drops. One is only one, yet there is infinite Many. Again, Dharana on Adonai is excellent. ADNI is the truth that is manifested in me, Now and Here.
Rating: 84

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

12,45h
I have improved reflexes since I worked with Mercury.

14,05h
Indeed my being must be silent, that His voice might be heard, and that His image may be seen. Knowledge and Conversation are conditioned by the perfect Silence.

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Wednesday 10. IX 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

The type of work – asana and pranayama.
The goal of the work – 45 minutes of asana and the best control of breath.
Time of work – 18,06 – 19,01h
Place of work – my temple.
Work Plan – a) asana – siddhasana b) pranayama 11 + 11.
Physical health – my tooth hurts.
Psychological condition – quite good. Outside is raining, I adore autumn.
The atmosphere – I’m listening to Ravi Shankar.
Possible obstacles – beginning is most difficult. Also, I have to last in pranayama.
Stumbled obstacles – small pain in the central part of the spine.
Comment – perfect. I am extremely pleased with pranayama.
The impression before work – full of enthusiasm.
Lessons learned – Pranayama provides a perfect awareness of counting. The beginning of counting must be uniform and clearly pronounced, emphasizing each number.
Assessment of work: 88

• Evening worship

Lodge business. The same story as always, although ritual was remarkable. It was very cold, at one moment I wished to put other gloves!

23,06h
I feel Him very easily, it is all around me. But I have to remain passive and quiet, I have to let him appears, while allowing my virginity to see him.

• Midnight worship

Thursday 11. IX 2003.

1,37h MMM
The difference and relationship between the four-sided and the three-sided pyramid. Pyramids of Paroketh and Pyramidos. IHVH versus IAO.
Rating: 74

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

Type of work – asana.
The goal of the work – 60 minutes asana. I hope I will not be interrupted.
Time of work – 17.52 – 18.38h
Place of work – my temple.
Work plan – a) siddhasana b) I will work occasionally with pranayama.
Physical health – great. I got a little toothache, though.
Psychic condition – good. Outside is a beautiful rainy autumn day.
Atmosphere – I listen to Indian music.
Possible obstacles – 1) mental hurry 2) the desire to make a phone call.
Strangled obstacles – pain in the spine and right-hand ankle.
Comment – I’m interrupted! Still, it was so good. Pranayama is exceptional, 11 + 11 goes great. In the end, I was breathing frankly, it was perfect. I do not remember being almost enjoying my breathing.
The impression before work – I want to work.
Learned lessons – should not be forced. The lungs alone are filling with air. It is only necessary to think about to not impose muscle control on unwanted will. Breathing is one whole, the upper and lower part of the lungs should flow into one segment of the breath, ie. expiration. The spine corrects itself by the pranic exhalation. It settles itself. Hold the planted neck, do not lower your chin.
Assessment of work – 90 in quality, but given that I did not meet the amount of time, justifiably, however, 68.

19,09h
The Pranayama consists of 11 + 11 cycles, followed by full, bronchial automatic breathing without any force.

• Evening worship

19,15h
When vibrating the divine name, the exhalation should be slower. Thus, the strength of the Force and the impregnation of the Universe will be better felt by the name.

In the evening I moved all the books that I read as a kid and which are in line with my nature from the lodge in my closet.

I always smile sweetly when I think about how much this life is really a great Foolishness. That is why there are so many Fools.

21,58h
I feel my Angel so close. Free consciousness is exasperated by His spasm to my soul. He is so true, so wonderful.

Friday 12. IX 2003.

Very interesting astral projection, I managed to have a dream inside a dream, with my usual method, the second dream is always collapsing with time, when I returned only 15 minutes passed, I have a sense that it was more than an hour.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

Type of work – asana.
The goal of the work – 1 hour of asana.
Time of work – 16.52 – 17.59h
Place of work – my temple.
Work plan a) siddhasana b) pranayama 11 + 11, as well as pranic breathing.
Physical health – is possible that my sugar is lower than it should be.
The psychic state – somehow irritable, unstable.
Atmosphere – Indian music.
Possible obstacles – just the beginning. I have to start more decisively.
Stumbled obstacles – pain in ankles. Also, back pain.
Comment – I took the asana for more than 60 minutes, without much difficulty. Pranayama is good.
The impression before work – I would really like to spend one hour in the asana.
Insights and observations – the relationship between VI and XIV ATU. Also, the relation of these arcanes with their opposed ones. I will write about this out later.
Learned lessons – 1) if it is properly and pranicly breathed, there is a specific swinging of the body that does not at all impair stability and ease. On the contrary, it adds to security. Sometimes it looks like the body will curl, but with a breath, it returns exactly from where the swing began, with even more firm and supportive spine. 2) counting in pranayama does not take a break. The numbers go one after the other immediately. No break. It changes consciousness and creates automatism. Inhale, or breathing out, is thus being veered into one compact whole.
Assessment of work – 100

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Saturday 13. IX 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

15,42h
I recorded my observations of the Mass of the Holy Spirit. I will write in the diary when I compile all thoughts. Now, it is all so amazing.

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Attainment of Knowledge and Conversation consists of two parts. One is the Knowledge, the other is Conversation. To be able to talk with your God, you must know what should be discussed at all. In case you have a minute of time with an Angel, what would you talk about? What questions would you ask, would you ask anything at all? So the construction of those elemental weapons is actually the preparation for this Grand Interview. It’s like preparing for a job interview. First, you write your Curriculum Vitae, and after that if you receive a call, you prepare yourself for the interview, all with the aim to introduce yourself in the best light and to finally get a job. Complete Golden Dawn is a reminder of what you will discuss at the scheduled Grand Interview.

Wednesday 17. IX 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

During evening worship I brought out with a new shape of the Entrance Sign, with the hands making the shape of a jar, as if it were water. It is like I am offering Tum to the whole universe that consumes it from my hands. During evening worship, I had a clear vision of the circular dome that I watched from the ground. The light enters the dome that is framed by a colourful mosaic.

• Midnight worship
  A vision of a red, lifeless desert.

Middle pillar, and pranayama very slowly, inhale was done in almost in 3 minutes. Very soon I started to have sweet sweat. Little before ending, my hips start to jumps. The whole ilussion of levitation is in this phenomena.

Thursday 18. IX 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

19,15h
I need to understand each orgasm as the Adonai’s answer. At that moment I am dying really, and I’m shutting; what remains is the manifestation of the pure Self. In fact, His calling is constant, but from my volume and attention to the other, his call will not be heard. Before orgasm, I surrender to Him. The orgasm is not really mine, it is His action through Me, which is conditioned by my Silence.

• Midnight worship

Saturday 20. IX 2003.

0,33h
MMM taught me Silence as a method of coming in contact with Adonai. In this context, I see an orgasm as His action through me. Therefore, then, especially then in that holy and brief moment, one should be careful and allowed completely and without any action, not one thought or feelings, that He is revealed to us through ecstasy. And that is just one of a thousand and one of His call that keeps telling me continuously, but I hear everything else, just not that.

I have come to the point when I have to break the veils of pure practice and rise in full Success. I am referring specifically to MMM and AAA here. Everything was told to me, everything is clear to me, I got Knowledge, something from the Conversation. Now I have to break the veils of theories and practices. I have to rise above the stars. Because He is there. I know that, and He knows it, because it has already been accomplished, but still unconscious.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

I am thrilled with the enthusiasm and understanding I find in reading again my favourite books. Now, everything is more clear to me, I understand new things with pleasure. I study Arcanas, here I find many practical things about the Mass of the Holy Spirit. I have a lot to explore, and I will put it all in the diary.

Later in the afternoon, I meditated on the nature of the crosses in the MMM. Much has come to me in Mind, among other things:

1. black – red – green; Universe – Tower – Suspended (?).
   Isis – Apophis – Osiris.
2. Liber Al, III:
   Let him come through the first ordeal, & it will be to him as silver.
   Through other, gold.
   Through the third, the jewels of noble glitter.
   Through the fourth, the ultimate spark of an essential fire.

We are all elementals until we do not prove the fifth element inside us.

There are many analogies that are opening up to me more and more as I write and think about this. I will stop here, to explain more about this, and later to enter the diary.

I will note the current priorities in the diary. I do a lot of things, I do not want to fall into the trap of fragility.

1. Analysis of MMM.
2. ATU relationship VI-XIV and VII-XV, as well as path 17-25 and 26-18. Also, paths 14-29 are very interesting. But more about this later, after I study MMM.

• Evening worship
  As I did the Sign of the Enterer, the Universe dispersed into a million butterflies in front of me. It was amazing.

18,48h MMM
I worked in the siddhasana, starting with 11+11 pranayama. Then, a deep, pranic breath was performed, followed by a vision. I find myself on the surface of the sea, the crystal-clear sea. Above dark twilight shines the brightest star that reflects in the water. It is right above me and it has 6 rays. I see there are actually 2 triangles; blue upright and red inverted. Now, this star is shrouded by a beautiful white-winged Pegasus who has a horn on his head and begins to circle above. Pyramid rises from the earth with that star at the top. And soon this pyramid, due to the swirling of Pegasus, became a cup, a big white ivory horn. At the centre of that horn, I retreat into silence, becoming ever smaller. I am surrounded by an egg of darkness. Suddenly, a huge ivory horn begins to break and the parts fall all over the shell of the egg, breaking it. There is a terrible rumble, and my dark egg begins to get brighter and now it becomes almost completely blue. In the end, the top of the horn falls, pierces the egg completely and hits me right through the heart. Instead of me, there is a black greek cross but slightly curved so that it is actually a Swastika. I fall towards a vortex in the dark ocean. Falling through it, I fall on the back of a huge seagull. There I disappear, waking up on the island. I am watching the gloomy sky with clouds through which the lukewarm Sun is seen. I am lying on one cubit grey stone striving for my Adonai. Actually, I am not doing anything, I am waiting for the clouds to disperse. This happens quickly and the sun shining on me, I am watching it, loving it, the sun embraced and overwhelmed me. I fully enjoy in its rays. Now the snakes come out of the water and they start to bite me. I see that the seagull was actually an eagle, a sea eagle. I am in pain. I watch the sun and I see it is a dew that drops from the eagle’s beak. My body gets an orgasm at the moment of merging with that dew. And I get up fresh and rested. LVX, the brightness of the cross, Osiris resurrected, Phallo raised! Behind me, I notice that the forest has grown and life is blooming. Again I am in a horn that is now of pure gold. Now it is an identical wand like that of Ace of Wands. The top of that wand is the Sun itself that blazes fire and sculpture with heat, all of which is actually my Phallus, my Wand. I am closing within the pyramid of light and I notice one cross on each side of it. Red and green, one against the other; then gold and silver. Around the pyramid is a firmament and a constellation with 12 zodiac signs. Everything turns so quickly and explodes rapidly in the light, and behind that light, I see the two-headed red Eagle and the White Lion. The lion bites one Eagle’s head, while the other does not move. Here I enter the Change. Now all this disappears and a vision of a pelican that pecking itself, appears, purging its blood everywhere. I look at my phallus that shines with reddish-yellow light and I start to spray semen everywhere. I see that each seed is the same, in the form of letter י. Now I see the Atu “Moon” and how each seed falls to the ground, nothing grows from it, but a heavy purple fog that stinks and resembles a poison. Now came the vision of arrow, as it is displayed in 9 of Wands, that goes to the Sun. At the top of this arrow is the letter י. And this Iod falls to the Sun, turning into pure LVX. I am riding a great white lion that carries me across the desert, to the ocean. There a red eagle carries me over, bringing me to the island on which my Angel is. I feel a lot of excitement and joy. Everything is so filled with beauty that I can no longer endure the vision. Everything disappears and I am back.

Comment:
1) A form of hexagram corresponding to my Method of Achievement of Knowledge and Conversation. This method will be applied briefly during meditation, very successfully, on the island.
2) Pegasus as Kether, but also the Holy Spirit that connects with Tiphareth.
3) In a way, a white horn of ivory above the ocean can be understood like the night of Pan above Hesed.
4) A blue egg through which the top of horn falls. In fact, the red inverted triangle “falls” on a blue upright. Picture of the sacred hexagram.
5) A hooked cross as Aleph, Air, The Fool. But it is a black cross, because it is above the “Abyss”. It should be remembered here that Kether is in Malkuth, so this is the 32nd path also.
6) A huge gull, for which I will discover that it is actually a sea eagle. Clearly, this is the Adonai who leads to the Abyss.
7) Understanding the path of “Art”. Arrow as a direction towards One, at the moment of orgasm.
8) Pelican as a representation of the union of the ideas of Lion and Eagle. Every blood is given to “another” life, each stroke is directed toward the Great Work.
9) Iod as seed. The only real orgasm is an orgasm dedicated to Adonai. As long as the being is dedicated to the “other”, there will not be the One. Every time our being is distracted during the orgasm, she hells are developing. Iod that falls on the Moon is an overview of this process, in contrast to Iod Falling on the Sun. However, one should think of this, because the Moon is also on the path of “High priestess”. This is the Moon in its highest form, like Nuit. The path of the Moon is between Tiphareth and Kether, and in this way, it is the highest form of Dedication.
10) The Lion and the Eagle lead me to the Angel. Of course, the path of Arrow (Atu “Art”).

I realized how much the alchemy method that quite suits me.

There is no way to Buddha, Buddha is the way.

The most important thing in all the work which I have forgotten is play and innocence. At any cost, I must not seek seriousness, because it is a projection of pure weakness.

Know Naught!
All ways are lawful to Innocence.
Pure folly is the Key to Initiation.
Silence breaks into Rapture.
Be neither man nor woman, but both in one.
Be silent, Babe in the Egg of Blue, that thou mayest grow to bear the Lance and Graal!
Wander alone, and sing! In the King’s Palace his daughter awaits thee.

As I learned as a Neophyte, I will repeat it again because I went into the totally opposite direction:

Quiet in innocence
innocent in silence
like an egg in the darkness,
as the depth in the heights.

21,16h
The success of the invocation does not depend on the purity of incantation, but in the rectitude of yearning.

21,20h
Suddenly, the link between Black-Red-Green-Gold-Silver became clear to me. The previous meditation revealed this. There are different levels of understanding of this mystery. I still refrain from comment, I will make a complete analysis later.

• Midnight worship

Sunday 21. IX 2003.

I had a short contact with the Angel in my dream.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

16,03h
I’ve worked hard on the Mass of the Holy Spirit. Making great progress in understanding the whole operation, I am very pleased.

• Evening worship

19,16h
I am passing deeper into the mysteries of MMM crosses. In front of me is a completely new chapter of Magick.

• Midnight worship

Wednesday 24. IX 2003.

• Morning worship

10.53h
The vision of the Eye that looks at me, which I suddenly got while I studied the analogies and connection between the symbols of Rose and the Cross with Tarot Trumps.

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

• Morning worship

Friday 26. IX 2003.

I found interesting thoughts and mention of ALH, which is also AHL, in Therion’s Cephaloedium works.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

13.30h MMM
I appeared on the ship, in the middle of the ocean. Above is a dark blue night sky, in the zenith the golden star around which the green snake wrapped. Storm begins; the wind blows and the waves hit everywhere. I retreat into silence. Nothing happens. However, I suddenly wondered what happened to the ship and at that moment my vision, which is one egg, cracks and fractures by the gust of wind. The storm throws me everywhere and I disappear. Instead of the star, the crescent is now shining. During the snake bites, I drank dew from my cup. It is an elixir, Amrita. Death and suffering increase consciousness. After 22 bites, I got a complete insight into my being. The whole this work is actually the Magnum Opus allegory. I got a clear awareness of 4 crosses, with certainty in their meaning. In the end, I entered the meditation on the omnipresence of Adonai’s existence.

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

 

Saturday 27. IX 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

13.45h
Time to start practising the AAA. Today I will study the exercise in more detail.

• Evening worship

17,51h
I perform vibrating the divine names perfectly. I feel a tickle in the chest during the projection of the Force.

Astral projection during daily nap. I was in a huge futuristic library, I read books instantly with beautiful pictures projected inside my mind, as strange visions. I had an interesting pressure in my head as I returned.

• Midnight worship

Sunday 28. IX 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

I am terribly nervous and moody.

17,34h
Indisposition is enviably evaporated, especially as I think about True Nature and ADNI.

17.40h
I feel such a force of enthusiasm that drags me to my Lord, so strong enthusiasm. It is like something needs to happen. I will do the Star Sapphire, I have not performed it since the time of a Neophyte.

Type of work – Star Sapphire.
The goal of work – to balance my nature completely.
Time of work – 17.45h
Place of work – my temple.
Work plan – as usual.
Psychical condition – much better than the day before.
Possible obstacles – shyness and reservation.
Comment – perfectly well, great. When I raised Ararita, I got into an empty space, everything was so quiet, safe and slow. Darkness turned into a living three-dimensional space. I enflamed in prayer.
Impression before work – want to work and to burn in prayer.
Learned lessons – learned that when I am at third Ararita, I should not rise up actively to Him, but to disperse everything in Silence, allowing Him to emerge. The first two Ararita should work as before.
Assessment of work – 83

18,12h AAA
It was wonderful, I really did not expect it to be so lovely. The feeling of me as a corpse is excitingly impressive. But at the moment I saw the light, everything started to change. Moaning is a completely normal occurrence when the sun sinks and loss on the horizon. Images and feelings are very clear. As a beetle, I remembered how I, as a little, pulled myself into a blanket. The scream of the falcon is also clearly heard. The beautiful pink colour of the sky is all around me. I feel safe and divine. All the time, the back of my skull is tickling, even now while I am writing. My sun, my good sun. How it safely and easily going, how good it is. IAIDA, IADANAMADA.

Be harmless. For now, it is good, but you should not forget that the key to Success lies in that!

• Evening worship

19,18h
I have to balance the exercise for Zelator.  I am pushing too many subtle works, but neglecting the asana and pranayama. However, I have achieved success is that, but I should not ignore them so much.

• Midnight worship

Tuesday 30. IX 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

14.12h
The only correct meditation is Dharana on the Truth of Adonai. This Truth can be experienced instantly, now and here. This perfect Truth requires the perfect Silence, the very possibility of the presence of anything else overriding this Truth. During this kind of Dharana I am experiencing the great Change. Dharana on His manifestation, now and here. Directly experience His manifestation and love, not doing anything.

17.45h
The vision started, and suddenly my blue cap appeared, which I had when I was little. I totally forgot about it.

• Evening worship

20.05h
The essence of the Great Work is that now and here, to experience the Holy Guardian Angel. Feel where it is? Now and here. Feel what he is doing? Now and here. Feel his awareness of you, now and here. Feel your unconsciousness about him, now and here. Now do not do anything. Feel yourself as the response of your Angel. Feel your life and thoughts as his limbs. Feel yourself as his proof. Then realize Silence, do not even think of him. Let success crown your work.

21,07h
It is a very specific Change of Consciousness that happens when I do nothing, allowing Adonai to come out. There is a mental trick in doing nothing, it is by no means stagnation or indulgence to the unconscious state, but a gentle and subtle rest in inner expectation. It is a mental attitude “just to see what will happen“. As when a phone call is expected; yes exactly.

21,25h
The essence of the Great Work is that it is realizing now and here. Now and here without analysis or delay. Now and here.

21,27h
I feel very weird. I am in Change from a passive aspiration towards Adonai, everything is dizzy. Like I am drunk.

21,40h Dharana on Adonai
Extremely successful. The method consisted of devoting one part of my mind to Adonai in a wider context without load, and to do nothing else on the part of the other. Then I enter the great Change. In fact, there is no thought of Adonai as such, but rather as a minimal effort to create a magic link. At the same time, silence and passivity allow this link to appear in the form of his Act. This is the perfect Method.

• Midnight worship

Enochian work with 21st Aethyr, very successful. Vision and Voice were total, I will write full experience in my Enochian diary.

Wednesday 1. X 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

Lodge meeting, nice observation on N., I will look more at it these days. Maybe I should go with P. to Rome around New Year.

• Evening worship

I cannot believe that it was just a little over a month since I took the Oath of the Zelator, and it seems to me that 3 months passed.

• Midnight worship

Thursday 2. X 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

16.33h MMM
Exceptional. Right at the beginning, I found myself in nature, in the middle of a forest. Then I appeared in front of a beautiful house, a hut with a windshield in the form of Baphomet. That small house was very dear to me, the whole this place was very pleasant so I decided to stay there. Above that hut shone one bright star. Then the storm began and everything started to collapse. I struggled with the storm, but without success. I starve toward Adonai and got into the subtle Change. Snakes, the cross, the method of Adonai is the method of the Arrow (red – green – gold – silver). But it is a blue, not a red nature. Hence I did so and went to a Change.

16.45h
Indeed, the essence of Success is innocence. I should not be serious. Everything needs to be understood as a game, as if I have no real goal or reward.

17.05h AAA
Perfect. The sun does not know about darkness, it does not perform Liber Resh. If you are the sun, there will be no dawn for you, noon, no night, no midnight. It is only for the one who fears the Changes and who follows the Glory from one place. However, it is necessary for a Sun to go through Tuat. There is darkness by itself. This is not an aspect of the day, but of consciousness. Through this darkness we should pass. Do not be distracted as you enter the Hall of Consciousness. Be strong, oh man!

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

 

Friday 3. X 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

13h
My meditation on Adonai is good. I enter the deep Change after a few moments of work.

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Diary should not be a record of my practice, but a record of my living soul, it is not a reminder of what it was, nor what it will be, but always and only what it is. Every record in your Diary is like a lottery card. Each record and every practice is just one of the combinations, only one combination of all can be a winning combination, and only Great Work will give meaning to everything that is written. Play with the Diary, it must breathe, it must live. The Probationer must be the bridegroom, his Diary must be his bride.

 

Saturday 4. X 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship
  The vision of a large bed with a canopy.

• Evening worship

Type of work – asana and pranayama.
The goal of work – to improve asana and pranayama.
Time of work – 22,03 – 22,20h
Place of work – my temple.
Work plan – as usual; siddhasana with 11 + 11 pranayama.
Physical health – slightly increased blood sugar.
Psychic state – nervousness and boredom.
Atmosphere – pretty bad, although I am trying to fix it.
Comment – very well. Pranayama was made 11 + 11, and then before the end, the slower breath. There was sweating and a marked change in consciousness. The smell of sweat is very specific, resembling on aromatic oil.
The impression after work – beautifully mood, without a trace of nervousness from the beginning.
Learned lessons – once again confirmed that carelessness is the key to success. Every work is perfect in itself, there is no need to be serious. Why? The Being is playing, not a practising.
Assessment of work – 87

• Midnight worship

Sunday 5. X 2003.

3,01h
Today I really worked a lot. This is the most productive day since I am a Zelator.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

13.57h
I do not need to do anything while meditating on Adonai. Simply, nothing. I do not even need to meditate, nor do anything to bring success or failure. He will show up when I shut up. It is important not to concentrate on Him, but peripherally to keep Him in mind, solely because of the magical link, more than anything else. It is a trick;

1) It is clear that I dedicate to Him completely, Now and Here, but very briefly.
2) Momentarily quiet, disappear.
3) Let His echo be revealed; Yes, let His echo be revealed.

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Monday 6. X 2003.

2.56h
From everything that I wrote about meditation on Adonai, the essence is in the not-neither state. Not in meditation, neither in meditation, but in Him. To be with Him without the need for the path to Him, or the non-path to Him.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Tuesday 7. X 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Meditation on Adonai should be doing with your eyes open.

Thursday 9. X 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

In the afternoon, I made a new layout in the room. Now I have a great place to write and to work.

• Evening worship

Type of work – siddhasana
The goal of work – to make the asana better.
Time of work – 20.48 – 20.59h
Place of work – my temple.
Important points of work – start.
Physical health – quite good. It is very cold.
The psychic state – nervous all day.
Atmosphere – excellent, I feel better with the different arrangement in the room.
Possible obstacles – the beginning.
Comment – pleasant. At the end outstandingly. Pranayama slow breathing need not exhaust the aspirant. It is easy enough, how much feels good, to breathe in with consciousness, and it will induce Change and success later.
Impression after work – heat. Indeed, asana and pranayama are great for overcoming the cold.
Assessment of work – 82

23,10h
I feel extremely calm and quiet. There is no such nervousness or severity that cannot be eliminated by asana and pranayama.

• Midnight worship

Friday 10. X 2003.

This morning I had a long contact with the Angel in my dream.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Saturday 11. X 2003.

• Morning worship
  

• Afternoon worship
  

• Evening worship

Type of work – pranayama.
The goal of work – better pranayama.
Time of work – 20,50 – 20,55h
Place of work – my temple.
Plan of work a) 11 + 11 b) slower breath, if I am in the mood.
Physical health – I am pretty cold.
Psychic condition – tired and sleepy.
Comment – perfectly well. I got warmed up, so much that I felt hot, especially in the hands. I would not even believe that I was cold 5 minutes ago.
Impression before work – having the impression that pranayama will warm me.
Assessment of work – 73

• Midnight worship

Sunday 12. X 2003.

2,41h
Studied Liber XXVII.

3,02h
Made a draft for the Dagger.

Type of work – asana and pranayama.
Time of work – 3.10 – 3.47h
Place of – work my temple.
Psychic condition – tiredness.
Comment – good. During the pranayama, a great wave of heat strucked me. I am pretty tired, so I stopped working and went to rest.
Impression before work – inflammation.
Impression after work – heat.
Assessment of work – 72

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

Type of work – asana and pranayama.
Time of work – 17.03 – 17.20h
Place of work – my temple.
Work plan a) siddhasana b) 11 + 11.
Physical health – I am cold.
Psychic condition – quite moody. I love autumn weather.
Comment – excellent, it is not been good like this for a long time. Asana is very pleasant, pranayama is excellent. All in all, I am very pleased.
Impression after working – deep relaxation.
Assessment of work – 88

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Monday 13. X 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

16.30h MMM
Excellent, even exquisite. In pursuit of Adonai, it should remain only an echo of my Dharana to Him. I hold it for a while in my mind, and then I become quiet allowing the previous focus to be lost in the mental impression that responds to my being, while I do nothing. All that is revealed then is truly His reflection. Also, I am the full balance of the whole universe, from this interaction Nigredo, Materia Prima and the Black Cross are created.

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

The Enochian evocation of demon, Earth/water. So much brilliance in this work, I don’t know why I don’t work with these aspects of Enochian magic. The full hour after work, my whole room was in the yellow light, very bright, although it was complete darkness. I didn’t fell asleep before 4h in the morning.

Wednesday 15. X 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

I got full success in the R. occasion, Enochian evocation did a splendid job. Now I have 2 possibilities, but knowing me, I will leave both to cease.

16.09h
I found out that the key of the correct Dharana in preventing attention from being displayed in parts. Similar to orgasm without contractions. Consciousness sails in the present moment.

16,15h
During the meditation on Adonai on the second point, it is necessary to shut down and extinguish as a candle. That does not mean it is necessary to fall asleep, but to be in eternal now.

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Thursday 16. X 2003.

2,13h
The method of passivity is the essence for every aspiration of Adonai.

2.15h MMM, aspiration toward Adonai.
First I will give over to Him, and then everything will become to nothing. Not in rupture, nor in unity with Him, until, in the end, he is the one that has not-left.

The extraordinary eruption of stimulated enthusiasm; the tremors are all overwhelming me. This kind of work is the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted in my life. I worked:

a) commitment to Him
b) giving up

Everything that happens during passivity is the way of manifesting the Unity with Him. Yes, that’s where the Change is. There is nothing but Unity, and I’m just staying in it. Now and here. It is a real and true passivity.

2,27h
I finished with meditation. This type of meditation I practice is the most effective method I’ve ever tried. I am delighted with the ease of Success. This passivity is a requirement for Success, but also a guarantee. He is the one I have with whom I am or not.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

At midnight I worked on the Zelator test.

• Midnight worship

Friday 17. X 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

13.10h
I was very enthusiastic about my Zelator working. I do not have much left to do.

13.33h MMM
All in all, quite well. A very concrete Change is in His care. Rosa was the kiss of my Adonai. Therefore, I let the bite to be as hard as possible. Meditation on Adonai is excellent, the key lies in passivity and uncompromising unity.

• Evening worship

I practised Batto-do late in the evening. I got blisters from working.

• Midnight worship

Saturday 18. X 2003.

1.48h
How things stand, it looks like I will get a chair for zazen on Tuesday. How can I just barely wait?

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

12.45h
During Dharana, the object should shine with my attention, with high voltage. You do not have to destroy your thoughts. Shining attention will automatically disable their creation.

Afternoon I bought the plants.

• Evening worship

My Research fills me completely. Until now, all happenings are your whispers, my ADNI.

• Midnight worship

Monday 20. X 2003.

0,15h
I feel a expressive desire and zeal to fill the Zelator pledge.

0.19h MMM
Wonderful, complete Change! I found myself in the ocean. The sun began to set down, so I closed myself in a dark blue egg. Time of Tum and dusk started. Then the sun went down and soon it was midnight, and the clouds and waves made me swallow, and I got lost in the depths and mysteries of the Black Cross. But from the depths, I saw far above that one star shines, which awakens me and returns from the dead. I started to rise to the surface, but a bunch of sea snakes began to bite me, trying to suck me. My Adonai’s kiss was a dew that brought me back to life, because I died 22 times; and yet there was only one kiss of Him. Then complete Change. I sensed my Adonai strong and firm. In the pyramid of light, in front of me there was a cross of gold, behind silver; on the left side the green cross, on the right was the red. Attention to Adonai was correct. In the end, I continued meditation on Adonai, waiting for Now and Here. This is an extraordinary method, the method of the sacred hexagram. There was a vision of the Sphinx and I remembered the sphinx I adored as a little. It was one of the forms of my Angel, then already changed by growing up, but I still remembered it enough vividly and clearly. Now I am completely in trance.

Yes! Expectation changes consciousness. Mute yourself to hear Him. This is the essence.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

The type of work – siddhasana and pranayama.
The goal of work – to achieve a better result in sid and pra.
Time of work  – 23,39h
Place of work – my temple.
Comment – perfect.
Evaluation of work – 77

• Midnight worship

Tuesday 21. X 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

The type of work – siddhasana and pranayama.
The goal of work – to achieve as much as the better result.
Time of work – 17,01h
Place of work – my temple.
Physical health – slightly lowered blood sugar.
Comment – asana excellent, pranayama very good; my stomach was full of food. Sweat encompassed me with a fine type of energy which vibrated through my body, all the way to the top of my head where I feel pleasant tickling.
Impression after work – changing awareness.
Evaluation of work – 82

• Evening worship

23,31h AAA
A large number of varied subtle energies that caused strange feelings. Experienced a sorrow toward my body. But just how magnificent and prodigious was the scream of the eagle, greeting my uprise. Exhilaration. My heart pumped in very high rhythm, which was felt on the physical level. Very strange excitement.

• Midnight worship

Wednesday 22. X 2003.

After midnight I went through extremely strong emotional barks. I cried so much, I was not so sensitive for a long time. In the end, I felt fulfilled and easy.

The type of work – asana and pranayama.
The goal of work – Success in asana and pranayama.
Time of work – 1.33h
Place of work – my temple.
Comment – perfect! Both asana and pranayama were perfect this time.
Impression after work – calm and satisfaction.
Learned lessons – the secret of pranayama is in counting. In fact, I counted 4 + 4, but slower; it is about a subtle feeling for a measure, it is about mental tactics, as if it was a pendulum. It uniforms a breathing and changes consciousness.
Evaluation of work – 90

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Thursday 23. X 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

20.51h
Asana and pranayama with contemplation on yesterday’s event. Asana is exceptional. I am calm and relaxed.
Rating – 85

23.08h MMM
Standard.

• Midnight worship

Friday 24. X 2003.

2,49h Pranayama and Siddhasana.
Pranayama 4 + 4. This is the best pranayama so far. Asana is also exceptional.
Rating – 91

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Saturday 25. X 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

The type of work – pranayama and siddhasana.
The goal of work – better pranayama.
Time of work – 18,42h
Place of work – my temple.
Plan of work – pranayama 4 + 4.
Important points of work – begin peacefully and harmonized.
Physical health – quite good.
Mental condition – excellent.
Atmosphere – Erik Satie.
Comment – real perfection! I’m glad to understand the essence of the pranayama and apply it.
Impression after work – bliss.
Lessons learned – counting during pranayama should not burden the mind. The essence is not to count words, but to tact and mentally knock; It’s a mental swing.
Evaluation of work – 92

22,44h MMM
Vision. Room with a fountain in the centre and a red carpet. Dim red lights in the room, which has 5 entrances. In the fountain is the figure of a woman holding a pigeon with her arms raised. Light falls on him and he revives. Light is spreading everywhere. This whole scene is in a tall building, in a modern city. Now the huge light of light falls on that building, which explodes. At the centre of the explosion is the dark egg, and the black cross. Then a vision of a pigeon flying is emerging and in the end turned into a paradise bird that goes to a tree in a tropical garden. Below that tree, I am with my Adonai.

For a vision, it is crucial to look “inward”, which will cause a specific, very pleasant feeling and change consciousness. Today my visions are extremely strong and clear. I get them instantly.

• Midnight worship

Sunday 26. X 2003.

0.53h Astral exploration of the path of ת
ADNI HA ARC, TV. The vision of volcanic eruption, perfectly clean. I am watching volcanic pile from the air, from which the orange lava is ripping, climbing down a pile like a honey. Then there is a vortex inside that couch that sucks that lava back. Finally, the whole lava is sucked in, and I now look at one of the crater’s tunnels and the black hole in its centre. I am passing through and found myself in the universe. On my left is the Earth, in front of me is the Sun. I felt very comfortable and warm here. I am looking at the sun that becoming the orange colour of lava. I observe better and now I see the Moon’s sickle as if it were one star – both the Sun and the Moon. At the same time, I look at the golden and silver colours. On my left side is Earth. The moon’s conture begins to dominate, while the disc of the Sun gradually disappears. I am losing myself and I appear in the meadow, it is autumn, everywhere is fallen foliage. It is somehow the Renaissance landscape, in front of me is a gate built from the leaves, while behind it is a man on the left, and a girl on the right, both dressed in renaissance clothing. In the distance, I notice a village feast, a peasant playing on the accordion and a bear dancing from his music. Far behind rests a castle on the hill, dominating over the whole Realm. Suddenly I am in a trap, in a room with a large round table around a crowned king who is wearing a red cross on his chest. Around him, at the table, the nobles and the knights have dinner. But the king just sits down and does not eat. Now I look at that same king in his room, next to the fireplace, in the full warfare, sitting and thinking. I can see how his thoughts go to the fireplace and rise to the height with warm air. Of all thoughts that are images of warfare and conquest, there is one thought of a girl who like mist goes toward heaven, to the  Moon, surrounding it with the purple aura. Now I am high in the air, it is night, I am watching over the whole kingdom and the aura of the purple Moon is above me. I see the king sitting on the altar of a double cube in the centre of a flat cross, around him at the ends of the cross are four knights; and each carries one spear. He kneels in the centre, and at one moment they are piercing him with their spears. The altar is bathed in blood, it contains the royal crown and the golden cross. The crown is laid on a beautiful red cushion along with a powerful mace. Now I watch the Moon that is in front of me, and in this Moon, I see the reflection of that girl. And now I notice the Sun, next to the Moon, which is reflecting the King, and I see their love that is caught in the starry night sky. To the left is she, he is on the right side. They are approaching and kissing, like the Sun and the Moon. All become One; and finally, I am watching at the Nine of Wands – “Strenght”. The vision starts to glitter and I am watching at the beautiful white unicorn, which is a symbol of their love.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Tuesday 28. X 2003.

Early in the morning willingly astral projection during orgasm. I simply walked out. Very short but very nice.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

20.31h Asana and pranayama.
Quite well. Abundant sweating and warmth, although I was at first cold. Pranayama 4 + 4, the next time I’ll put in a little break: 4 + 2 + 4 + 2.
Rating: 85

• Midnight worship

Thursday 30. X 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

The type of work – asana and pranayama.
The goal of work – to improve asana and pranayama.
Time of work – 20.47h
Place of work – my temple.
Plan of work – siddhasana, pranayama 4+2+4+2.
Physical health – quite good.
Atmosphere – music by E. Satie.
Comment – perfect. Pranayama is particularly good. The turbulence of breathing on the surface of the skin, warmth and completely mild sweating.
Impression before work – I feel zeal of the Zelator. This is a fairly stable Grade, although it can be assumed otherwise. If it goes with the principle of Arrow, then this is a very concrete and fruitful Grade.
Impression after work – calm and ease attention.
Evaluation of work – 84

• Midnight worship

Friday 7. XI 2003.

These days I performed a very interesting opening of Tarot, with Success.

2,22h MMM
Great, wonderful Change. I am at the very threshold. Desire toward Adonai is to provoke the state of waiting for the miracle. “Something miraculous will happen” condition. You must be insane and crazy in that act, only insanity itself will lead to the appearance of a miracle.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Monday 10. XI 2003.

1,03h
These days, I have learned a lot about visions and practical work with them. Getting and developing my vision is very easy. The essence is to look inward, pressing the awareness toward occiput. This causes a pleasant state and bliss. In practical terms, eye cheekbones should be minimally and very gently pressed inwardly, as if the “vacuuming eyesight” is applied.

Method: Bring a name inside with the breath, and insert it into a brain – “behind the eyelids”. Exhale to spread the image and impression, as the wind carries a pollen and wider lampblack.

1,18h AAA
I got a name. JOACHIM.
A very interesting name.

I + V + A + K + I + M = 75
HILL = Lucifer, the messenger of the Star.
LILH = Night, at night.
NVIT = Nuit.
ILLH = lamenting, moaning (as in AAA!).

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

 

Friday 14. XI 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

13,15h
The essence and value of Dharana at Adonai is in direction. The prize lies in the manifestation of a specific focus of attention, which in itself is not a mystical wisdom at all.

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Wednesday 19. XI 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

22.36h
Invoke often  – AAA
Enflame in prayer – MMM

• Midnight worship

Saturday 22. XI 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

18,43h
How nice to deal with True Nature. How good it is to think about it. How it is nice even not to do the True Nature. How nice it is not even to know, True Nature. True nature.

One very good method which I used in the past as a child, and which I could do again, is playing chess with myself, with the decision to move quickly and intuitively. This brings a great Change.

• Midnight worship

Tuesday 25. XI 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

16,22h
I am progressing with the answers for the Zelator test, there is still less than half left. I will try to solve today as much as possible. So I’m going to work.

18,18h
I was doing my Zelator test. I did a lot of it.

• Midnight worship
  The extremely clear vision of Scarab pushing the sun.

Wednesday 26. XI 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

Today, the intuition took me into a bookstore where I noticed a very good book related to my Nature.

14,20h
I am coming to the utmost limits of the Zelator’s thought. Mass is almost fully understood.

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Thursday 27. XI 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

An enthusiasm of terrible power regarding insight into the nature of KG. How much is the task of manifesting this difficult? But I will work, I have as much time as I need.

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Friday 28. XI 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

20,50h
I am so happy and full of enthusiasm. I worked for KG. Now I will go to D.

• Midnight worship

Saturday 29. XI 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

21.30h Star Sapphire. Excellent, exceptional.

• Midnight worship

Thursday 4. XII 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

In the evening I cleaned the katana, put it out of the saya, entwine a new tsukamaki.

• Midnight worship

Friday 5. XII 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

18.51h
I’ve overcome the emotional crisis I’ve had these days. From all, it remained just my work under my accomplishments. Therefore, I only have to work and achieve.

• Midnight worship

Sunday 7. XII 2003.

0.33h Sapphire Star. Change.

1.41h Prayer to Daemon
Meditation on the Holy Guardian Angel. I was stopped just when I started to enflame myself. Anyway, I am going to focus on this before bedtime, I think it is an equally good Method. Of course, it is better to do something than nothing. Or in this case, the truth could be right the opposite. 

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Monday 8. XII 2003.

2.38h
The exceptional method is to have no method. Not to do anything, but this includes avoiding to do nothing. Nothing is nothing from everything. This is an excellent Meditation.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Wednesday 10. XII 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

I am doing a lot for a Zelator test.

22,17h Star Sapphire.

• Midnight worship

Saturday 13. XII 2003.

I worked for a Zelator test. I still have a little to finish.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Tuesday, 16. XII 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

It is not the essence to be enlightened, but to be aware of enlightenment. It is not necessary to realize enlightenment, but the Consciousness of enlightenment.

• Midnight worship

Friday 19. XII 2003.

1,37h
I found a name for Practicus. It needs to be confirmed by analysis.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

The Probationer must therefore persevere, persevere and go further. He should not pass through the night, he should not pass anywhere, but just not to stay in place, not to look back, he just needs to go further, over there, wherever just further, just a step more, an inch more, far from yesterday; his Oath is to move from his place. Because in this move is something which is an important part of our great experiment, from the very beginning to the farthest corners of the Golden Dawn. That movement, that decision to move from the place once the whole universe orders otherwise, and more importantly – the urge for that movement, is A∴A∴ in its true essence.

Tuesday 23. XII 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

18,45h Star Sapphire. Perfect.

19.05h Astral exploration of the path ש.
In front of me, a red letter ש appears. In the middle is the blue letter of Vav – as the central arm of a Trident, in the end, the top of the blue Vav letter appears to me, as a yellow Yod that is the point where the fetus is bent – one little baby. Now, there is a vision of the little Jesus playing around the cross, and now there is a triangular mountain in front of me, where there are three crosses; this is the hill of the SION, and these three crosses are the three letters of Vav within the Great letter of Shin; and I look at that letter before me. Then everything disappears and a large windmill appears in front of me, whose blue sails represent a great Templar cross; it begins to revolve more quickly and soon becomes a Swastika; I understand that the whole of this area is actually Airy, that the essence of Vav is a son as the Air, and its fiery appearance is not an element, but a specific state of the Spirit and Nature. Now, in front of me, a large bearded powerful king with a golden triangular crown and a silver clothes with a blue Maltese cross on it. He gives me a sceptre on top of which is a golden cross; while the sceptre of silver. He tells me: “Pass into the secrets of an inconceivable without a Method.” Around him fly bees and I realize that it is an Atu “Emperor“, making all this as a part of the Mystery of Rose and the Cross. I am stepping into a Change. I have been shown a vision of volcanic eruption. Lava fills up and overtakes everything, and all around me, the white letters “Yod” floats. After all this, in front of me appear stairs that climb up. I am coming out of this vision, entering into my Sphere.

Astral exploration of the path ר.
The letter appears to me yellow at first, but I begin to move away and notice that it is just a part of the letter Shin, as one of the three Iods. I realize that Resh is the essence of Shin, I see the essence of the Spirit in relation to elemental principles, I also understand why the Fire is also a Spirit; it is the specific state of the Spirit that is expressed in this way within the Paroketh. Now, there is a terrible wind blowing around me, and the air is filled with a bunch of dandelions that float everywhere. My vision is sharpened and now I notice that these are all Iod letters. In front of me is my Angel, I am in a meadow where I met Her earlier. High above is the Sun. I enter into Change, in me there some very strong emotions, in some strange way, subtle, pure and exalted, tangibly inhuman. My Angel takes dandelions into Her hands, creating the drop of dew on her palm, colourless and crystal clear. She approaches me and I put my right thumb in the dew, then putting that one drop in my mouth. At that moment, from the forest around the meadow, thousands of snakes are moving towards me. They surround me, my Angel is now above me looking at me. She spreads her wings so that it completely covers the Sun behind her back, I get the impression that She is the only Sun from which the light bursts out. Snakes attack me, they bite me, and in pain and I fall to the ground, losing the Strength. Everything is gone, now it is already a night. My Angel is still above me, but now She is bathed in a beautiful blue colour. I understand that Her nature is that of Moon and that she is the one who brings me to the Abyss. Behind her the Star can-not-be-seen, but Nothing and none of it. I look into her eyes and realize that I depend on her. In fact, it is not dependence but surrender, because I am circling around her Nature, and she guides me further, up. Now she descends and hugs me and laughs. She tells me, “leave the harmless festivals and fulfil yourself in Love under Will, as it pleases you. You need not be an elder of everyone but to be an elder to no one.” Now everything is disappearing and in the distance, I see the white statue of Buddha. I hear the voice: “Buddha is a statue!” on my right, that is the voice of my Angel. Everywhere around me is a white colour with yellowish blisters. Now that white light is darken, and finally, I found myself on my back, watching the night sky filled with stars, and I leave myself to Love under Will in various ways, but always for Her. I return back.

• Midnight worship

Wednesday 31. XII 2003.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

I am pretty much withdrawn and depressed. But, but somehow it feels good. I feel like it is going to get something new from all this. I feel strange, somehow changed, or more precisely, before Change. I want to contemplate desperately. I’ll do it later, if I were alone.

20.45 – 21.33h Liber Cadaveris
Such enthusiasm, such a strong enthusiasm overflows and breaks My Being. My whole body vibrates at the level I cannot write these words. Therefore I will enjoy in silence. 

• Midnight worship

Friday 2. I 2004.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

Once, one Bodhisattva went to the task of measuring the world and going forward for millions of years, he reaches its end. Already as an ounce and old he stood at the very edge and looked at that little what is rest in front of himself, saying: “God, how small this world is!” This is the Disorder by Achievement, the worst of all Disturbances.

• Midnight worship

Wednesday 7. I 2004.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

The essence of Liber Resh at this moment of my development is in unity, no longer in the projection of force.

• Midnight worship

Thursday 8. I 2004.

0.35h
Again, I am spontaneously and strongly focusing on KG. Kindness for the Truth.

Before bed: Pranayama.
Perfect. This was actually a specific form of Jnana Yoga. One should catch the rhythm of complete satisfaction, prolonged and measured breathing and breathlessness without muscular apparatus. Thus, the automation and spontaneity of the process with complete enjoyment are achieved extremely quickly and easily; all of this can trigger the Samadhi, which is by no means a goal, at least not of these exercises.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

14.30h
Zazen is to sit without doing anything, which includes sitting and doing nothing.

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Friday 9. I 2004.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

I found that the lily is the smell that suits me the most.

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Saturday 10. I 2004.

For some days now I have very clear contractions in Muladhara.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Monday 12. I 2004.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

I came to the hospital in the afternoon. I feel nice, I love so much when I am alone.

• Evening worship

18.56h
I read KG files. This is perfect, the hospital was the right place to go.

22,39h
I still work for KG. I’ve done so much, everything looks quite impressive.

• Midnight worship

Wednesday 14. I 2004.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

11,40h
I feel more powerful and full of force, it came from thinking about the A∴A∴ and my work. All Joy and adoration to my Adonai.

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship

Saturday 17. I 2004.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

In the evening I was with N. Very interesting, I mentioned an idea that fits perfectly into KG. That’s exactly what I predicted, that’s an indication of the correctness of the idea.

• Midnight worship

Monday 19. I 2004.

I’m in the hospital again. I can not wait to get out.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

17,20h
K & G is progressing. The hospital was a great move.

• Midnight worship

Wednesday 21. I 2004.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

18.16h Star Sapphire. Perfect.

• Midnight worship

Monday 26. I 2004.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

22,04h Astral exploration of the path ק.
Rhythmic breathing and relaxation. After about 15 minutes, the letter is suddenly showed in the silver colour on a black background which eventually receives the dark blue colour of the night sky (the nature of the Moon that is embedded in Ether), while the silver colour of the letter becomes purple (quite appropriate). I pass through the letter easily and in front of me is formed the head of a cow, hardened and pulling yoke. Everywhere around me is a muddy field and sludge. In the distance, I notice the outline of pyramids and now I realize that this is a display of the river Nile. High above is the crescent moon shining on a daylight sky. Now I have the clear sense that all around the vision is a huge Serpent – python, biting its tail, making the great Circle around this realm. The whole land of Khem is within that Serpent; and now I am looking at the constellation of Orion, inside which are 3 stars as pyramids, and the space around the rest of the constellation. And now I am watching Those-Serpent-Which-Eating-Its-Own-Tail, its nature is the nature of Change, which is the nature of the Moon. The Moon is its tail, the mouth is the Sun. Then comes the vision of one heart that pounds, and now the whole planet is that heart. Everywhere around me is a dense mist, this is the Earth at the very beginning of time. Everything is surrounded by an etheric substance from which life will come out. I understand why Prana is the best magical link; the Moon is its master, both the uppermost and the undermost, as the Path of “Moon” and as “High Priestess”. Now the great cauldron is showing before me and with it the whole alchemical Great Work; in front of the cauldron is a colossal green Dragon who guards it; there is also the Red King as well as the White Queen. They pour their tinctures into the cauldron, I look inside watching the giant Whirlpool, and now I see it is the Those-Serpent-Which-Eating-Its-Own-Tail. And within it is an Eye of Horus, which is the eye in the triangle that looks at me, and I see it as a pyramid, and the City of Pyramids, therefore I am staring at the High Priestess, but from above. This is part of SanGraa’s secret, because cauldron is the Graal; the idea of the Abyss supports all this. The idea of Elixir and the idea of Grail; sometimes the content of the Elixir is nothing but the content of the Superior Triad (here the Triad are like the Elohim – the plural of the feminine), which are in the Night of Pan. Suddenly I saw the miraculous divine Ram and his white wool that shepherds with the Pan cutting and throwing everywhere around, and this wool is then carried by the wind to the various virgins that are fertilized therein. Later, they are drunk from some strange wine in order to have an easy birth, because all of them are carrying Babies-Beasts (Nephilim). And now these babies jump out of their womb abruptly and furiously, playing on Pan’s flute. Everything is soaked with wine and purple. I am stepping into the Change. Everything is carried in the wind, everything is in the subtle movement and energy. Sometimes it is fertile, and sometimes it is not, for this is the mystery of the Woman and the High Priestess, and the mystery of the Night of Pan and the City of the Pyramids, as well as everything that is beneath it. I am going back and before I return, suddenly I notice Atu “Chariots” which is also the Moon. The charioteer wears a golden-blue nemyss. I return completely.

• Midnight worship

Saturday 31. I 2004.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

• Evening worship

The true pranayama is a fully conscious breathing, which implies breathing in and breathing out exactly when the True Need is felt. It is a fantastic method that can quickly lead to Samadhi. It is all about the right moment and the control of desire. Breathing is done by yourself. But you are not at all that “yourself”.

Also, I discovered the attitude, one kind of physical decision to be always calm and free from every tension. This attitude is like Asana, but it is important to have it always and everywhere. Also, breathing must be fully balanced. When you do so, you enter the weird kind of trance and Change.

• Midnight worship

Monday 16. II 2004.

• Morning worship

• Afternoon worship

Around 11h
I passed through the Temptation of Swords.

I dreamed of wonderful dreams, regarding the stress and pressure, but my Adonai was present in them. In that part of the dream, everything was so beautiful, I was in paradise.

I know I do not know that I know.

You will see that your “you” have two parts of yourself, my son.

around 13.00h
I took the Oath of a Practicus.

• Evening worship

• Midnight worship
  The vision of a huge lion in the forest. His head with a mane was like a sun.

 

---

Frater Aureus 273∴

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