Neurosis

All secrets are just our inability to grasp the simplicity of our soul by Neurosis; the point of the ultimate experience is by no means in barbaric names, nor in the hours spent in Dharana. Both the Knowledge and Conversation, as well as the Crossing the Abyss, do happen at a single moment – our Neurosis makes all this looks as a month-long Abramelin or a miles-deep Abyss. The first phenomenon is the phenomenon of time, the second is the phenomenon of space – together, they completely suffocate every sense of occult science and skill making it possible at any moment of life or a single breath for the human soul to capture both things without any pre-established standards or preparation. This movement is as mystical as a movement of the lungs to take a breath, or the movement of the heart muscle that pumps the blood inside us – both conditioning life with a completely simple mechanical reaction – and yet making that same simple life full of complications, absurdities, and emotional nebulae due to our completely natural tendencies to believe that we do not understand. Both an ugly and a handsome man are equally neurotic about their own appearance – their appearance seems to have nothing to do with the experience of themselves at all; they both think that beauty is completely unattainable and complex and such a remote thing for them who are so repulsive and miserable. An unenlightened and enlightened man are by no means opposites, enlightenment in itself has no counter position. Enlightenment itself is a negation, it cannot be not experienced. One may think that we are not enlightened – that is a correct counter-thesis, but that is the whole point of human enlightenment – not that he reaches, but that he remembers that he has already attained enlightenment. That phenomenon of time, which is the condition of all Neuroses, as well as the condition of the creation of the Angel and the Abyss, is the only hidden teacher to whom humanity aspires. It is that immeasurable unit, which means to the selfness as much as that pumped blood for the heart, or that inhaled air for the lungs.

Some of us might really ask what is the relationship of the Angel and Neurosis, and can we get a hint about this relationship that would help our hungry souls? Ultimate phenomena serve ultimate achievements, and, surely, a well-trained Aspirant evokes the idea of the relationship of these two entities in his mind – of which he has no experience, no control, no real knowledge; except that he knows they are both pushing his life like an autumn leaf in a storm. We can say that the relationship between Neurosis and the Angel is like between thunder and lightning. Although both things are the result of the same phenomenon, they have completely different ways of perceiving, which makes them separate things. One is by perception of our sight, the other is of sound; even their temporal aspects are different – one is before while the other is after. But neither of these two actually explains the phenomenon itself, which is completely different from the perception of that phenomenon. The moment the human soul begins to be neurotic in childhood, that moment it gets its Angel; and just as both the occurrences of lightning and thunder have had completely ridiculous explanations throughout history and evoked a sublime sense of fear, which is the surname of one neurotic phenomenon, so the Angel and Neurosis cannot be viewed separately. Moreover, they must not be observed at all, because the very perception of these phenomena brings in confusion. Before we deciphered the Great Question, the way we asked the question was completely wrong, because of the simple fact we asked it at all. In the end, we did not even pose it, the Ego posed it, setting us up as the usual suspect. There is no difference between the Ego and the Angel; the Ego is the difference. It is hard to explain, but the nature of the Angel and the Angel itself is not the same thing, every mentioning of Him equally creates the Angel and the illusion of the Angel. And Neurosis is all the false evidence that benefits the Ego; Neurosis is that forged signature that confirms the indictment of the Ego, making the Angel a false perpetrator. Therefore, all three concepts – both the Ego, Neurosis and the Angel – are completely unsuitable for statement and practical work. All that remains for us is to try to sculpt these models of abstraction with our minds and call it nothing but art, just an artist’s expression in the clay or canvas of the Abyss.

Frater 273

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